In 32 years, I have become an expert in wishing for the things I do not have. I am less practiced in being thankful for what I do have and being patient for a future time when things may be different.
This morning, I asked myself: What do I want from a solitary life?
I lay in bed mulling over the question.
My two cats took the opportunity to come and snuggle.
So far on this Tuesday morning, the solitary life was a cozy one.
I thought about my music and research partner up in Maine. He gets up between 5-5:30am every morning to practice his new bass.
I reached under my pillow to get my cell phone.
Damn! Looks like I missed it today. I really should devote for time to ukulele and actually practice finger picking and playing scales.
It is not that I am lazy, I just get really tired. I thought that I would finish my dissertation and magically feel like a human being with energy again, but I guess that I am getting old.
My coworkers and I joke about all being extroverts by day and introverts by night. We deal with the general public all day, every day, and we love it (most of the time). We all express an interest in the night life when we congregate at the start of the day, but by the time 5:15pm rolls around we are spent.
Back to the question at hand: What do I want from a solitary life?
I want to create.
I want to write and improve my writing. I want to be published.
I want to write songs from my own stories and from those of people around the world using the Story-to-Song method I have been learning these past few years.
I want to perform.
I want to be recognized for my creations.
I do not want to live 3,000 miles from my lover.
I do not want to be tortured by my hormones.
Apart from the latter two desires, I think the others are attainable. I have my work cut out for me. I may benefit from growing some thicker skin as I begin to put myself out into the performance realm of the universe.
I create all of the time, but it has taken years for my to call myself an artist. I am collector of all kinds of things that may be considered of little worth to someone else.
I would not be this far without the support of friends, family, and you—my beloved readers!
Please post comments to my blog. I am excited for your feedback, ideas for subjects to write about, and ways to improve.
1 thought on “Flying solo”
thanks for writing and sharing your simply joyful and honest self Marieke – I find it and you so refreshing – like a swim in a beautiful lake – and a beautiful photo to capture the moment