Tell your truth

“The most loving thing you can do is to tell your truth.”

I have been trying for several weeks to incorporate far too much into each day in order to meet my own needs and those required of me by others. What I find is that I can barely breath by the end of the day and the pastimes that once brought me joy now have become an activity to get through in order to get on to the next one.

I barely made it to the beginning of this weekend of yoga intensive studies. I barreled my way through the day, working in the morning, swimming, rushing to yoga class. I was looking forward to another Yin yoga class and taken by complete surprise by the most athletic form of Ashtanga I have ever experienced.

The teacher asked us to set our intention for the class. My inner voice requested that I “slow down.” But there was no time to slow down in this class. The barreling continued through each pose, which we seemed to hold for barely a few seconds before moving on to the next. I had no time to even check my alignment and we were off to the next pose. I could feel the heat and fire rising in my body.

My inner voice responded.

You can still slow down. Your expectation of slow may need to shift, but don’t worry. Everything is fine.

I could feel my body relax. It was ok for me to express myself in each pose in a way that was healthy. Savasana was far too short.

Class over, I carried on with my day.

Drive drive drive home.

When I drove up to the driveway, I saw him looking out at me through the window. He whined as I walked up the porch steps and headed to the door.

I walked in to find the house in disarray. Our dog, stricken with panic each time we leave the house, had dragged a large piece of furniture down. I was relieved that he had not been pinned beneath it, or any other of our fur babies for that matter.

He followed me around the house. I gave him a treat, which he ate only when I was close to him.

Poor soul. I think he senses my own anxiety. I imagine that when I leave, he tries to follow me in order to protect me. He panics when he cannot find a way out to reach me.

I barely made it to class tonight, but I made it.

“You are here for you,” our teacher told us.

I sighed. As we chanted Om and Om Namah Shivaya, tears streamed down my face. And it felt good. To let it all go. The release. I have been holding on to everything so tightly: expectation, responsibility, obligation.

I just sat and let it go.

We carried on. Our teacher spoke of the theme for the weekend.

Satya: truth; stepping more into your true self.

I sat with my eyes closed and thought about my truth. And I felt it. I knew my truth. Earlier, I had hoped for the weekend practice to bring clarity, and clarity had arrived far more quickly than I anticipated.