I dreamt last night that I was living in an apartment in a city. One night, I returned home with my roommate to find the apartment door open and the lights on inside.
We walked through an apartment in complete disarray, clothing strewn over chairs and carelessly tossed on the floor. The first thing I noticed was that all of my winter coats were gone from the closet. Dread grew as I walked up the stairs to my bedroom. It was a mess. My computer was gone and all of my ukuleles. Even my mattress and box spring had been taken.
I picked up my pace and moved through the entire house. I couldn’t believe that everything I cherished was gone.
I went to the back porch and discovered that two items had been left behind: my baritone ukulele, out of its case but safe, and my desktop computer where my sweetie kept all of his photos. I was so relieved that for a moment. I was so thankful to have been reunited with these two possessions that I nearly forgot about everything else.
I remember feeling how very real it all was. I knew that everything was gone, and yet I remained calm. I sensed that this was the culmination of my practice of letting go all these years. I didn’t need all of these things to be happy.
It only occurred to me about an hour after waking up this morning that I was surrounded by my things and that it had only been a dream.
I am not sure if I felt relief to know that it wasn’t real. I recall the feeling of release in the dream. Because it can be so difficult for me to let go of things, even things I have not used for years, it was freeing to have someone else make the final decision for me. Then, I could accept it, let go, and move on.
In my waking life, it is more difficult for me to let go. I feel a mixture of regret and lightness with each material thing I let go of. I try to be careful with the tangible items I invite in to my life, though I can tell you that I invite just as many earrings in as I give away. I guess I am human.
In my clothing collection, I am getting down to the nitty gritty. No more will I keep things on a shelf, in a drawer, or hanging in a closet with the thought that “I might wear it.” I would rather have reductionist remorse than something in my life that I do not use.
Each day is a new opportunity to simplify, though I can say that I am glad to still have my ukuleles!
Wishing you a simply and splendid day from the desert of north central Arizona.
life of m 