Love and Light (aka I wear my emotions on my blog)

My parents are worried that I share too much in my blog and am going to get myself into trouble or some future person I might want to work with will not want to work with me because of what I have written.

I was sitting with my sweetie at a table beneath a large umbrella in a patio area behind a small restaurant down the street from where he worked at a small, private college. Near the table was a white fountain, which we sat beside despite my concerns that I would have to pee every five minutes from the sound of running water.

Tell them you wear your emotions on your blog, he suggested. Sleeves are so passé.

True, I said. Plus, it is way too hot in Arizona for sleeves.

I guffawed at my own terrible joke.

He rolled his eyes at me.

Goose, he said.

Of late, we have been engaging in many discussions about how to help yourself feel better when you feel full of anxiety and yuckiness (my words, not his).

I worried last night that I would not be able to fall asleep because I was already afraid of the energy contained in emails I might receive the following morning.

Fear is an allusion, he told me. It is a made up construct. All that is real is love and light.

Love and light, I echoed, deep in thought. I do not see love and light in all people.

I remember one of my teachers inviting us to forgive. If we were not willing to forgive in the present moment, we could simply be willing to be willing to forgive, or willing to be willing to be willing, and so on.

y6hy (my cat Fin says hi).

If you have seen light and love in someone before, you can find it in them again.

If I have not mentioned it before, this beautiful man is my soul mate and also my most beloved teacher. He is the ground to my airy disposition, my foundation. He is wise and patient, most of the time. My own squirrely energy can certainly test the boundaries of any person’s patience.

I fell asleep with visions passing before my eyes, some light, others less so. When I felt fear or negativity arise in me, I expressed my desire for my intention to be otherwise.

My intention is love and light, I repeated in my mind.

And then I slept through the night without remembering a single dream.